Smitten. Reader's Dilemma: Help! My Boyfriend Has Online Dating Profile! Yikes! One of our sweet readers just sent us this perplexing email. Her boyfriend is signed up for an online · Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding a serious relationship some men still keep their online dating profile active. The · The reason he's on a dating site is because he's not satisfied in the relationship which may have to do with you or more likely it's in his DNA. Whether he's acting on it remains · On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a I tried to delete my whole profile but I never did because 1) I stopped logging in so I forgot about it, 2) I was just curious, and 3) actually couldn't find the delete button. Sometimes, we all have ... read more
that there are serious guys out there too….. Well I definitely know that this happens to guys too because it is currently happening to me right now. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 2 months now and I know for a fact that his dating profile is still active on the site me met on.
It told me the time that comment was made and it turns out that he made that comment weeks after we had started dating. So I confronted him about it and he got upset that I had been snooping. He said that the only reason he posted that was because the other guy said something nice about one of his pictures. So after a evening of arguing over the phone I ended up being the one who was apologizing for trying to undermine our relationship with distrust.
So I told him I would delete my account so that this whole nightmare would be over….. do you think he had the courtesy to delete his too….. nope here we are another month later and it still says single and he still logs onto it daily i can see it without having an account. I feel so confused right now and soooooo sick to think what he could be doing all of the time. We communicate with each other daily over the phone, video chatting, texting….. because we are in a long-distance relationship.
He always tells me how much he loves me and our relationship is going so well…. this hurts so bad and I am so afraid to lose him….. but it seems like addressing this issue is the only way to know for sure. I just wish people would think about how much this kind of stuff really hurts the ones they claim to love so much 🙁. Kick these morons — women OR men to the curb.
The answer is obvious. He is looking for better options. Serial daters. READ about this online. GOOGLE narcissistic online daters. These men and women have red flags a flying. If YOU feel their behavior is inherently questionable, trust your instinct.
This was supposedly his FIRST online dating venture. BS he has been on every site out there which is fine but to LIE about it along with age and criminal history — lets say I am still paying for who he pretended to be and who he actually IS. He leaves behind a path of ex gfs and a wife who know they should have trusted what should be obvious: bad behavior is BAD behavior and no smooth talking over and over will change the inherent insanity of his always looking for the golden fleece women.
DO NOT end up giving them the benefit of the doubt — you will lose your self esteem, question the golden rules you knew in kindergarten and everything that should be upright is upside down. I have been through HELL with this man who is addicted to attention whoring by ANYONE. He treated me like CRAP, lied about his age and his intent. DO NOT listen to what they say — the dichotomy is in their ACTIONS which is what people should be paying attention to.
Not the words. I found this out because I snooped. Suspicious activity had to be followed up on. Anyways, I made a fake profile. send a flirt-mail. Got one back. Sorry to anyone else going through this. My heart goes out to you.
I could use a friend right now too. I met my husband married 10 years this summer on match. What are we doing here? Three months in we were engajed, married within a year of meeting and going strong. Those are all EXCUSES. You deserve better. When a man loves and respects you you know it. Clear the path so a real man can enter your life.
You owe it to yourself…and deserve to be happy without constantly having to wonder. No drama. Good luck. Brad, thank you so much for this article and to all who commented. I discovered the man I met and have dated exclusively almost 3 months ago on match. com to have his profile back up about 2 weeks ago. When I asked him about it, I received all the unoriginal excuses written about here.
However, I accepted them since at the time it sounded honest and he was adamant there was only me. I also chose to forgive and move forward. His profile disappeared within 20 minutes of our discussion. Fast forward to this past weekend. I ended up finding a very active profile on okcupid. His match profile went active shortly thereafter. I set up a fake profile on okcupid where he is looking for everything including casual sex which he has now expressed his interest in. There is no doubt that I am finished with him.
We had explicit conversations about exclusivity and expectations. We agreed if someone wanted to pursue others they should. Just be sure to be honest and cut the other person loose. I know I will never receive a satisfactory answer from him.
For the record, within the first 3 dates he told me he took his match profile down, how he was finished with online dating, what terrible luck he had, and how he expected to be stood up by me on the first date.
We are both professionals in our late 30s and he has 2 teenage children. I never in a million years expected to be bamboozled like this. I feel like the ultimate sucker. I thought I had all the right conversations to protect myself. I have been in a relationship off and on for the last year and a half. I made the mistake of hiding it from him and he found out. Last July he admitted to me that he has been monitoring my emails, Facebook, text messages, everything for over a year.
He read private conversations between me and my friends and family and got angry that I was talking to other people about our relationship. After this, I cut off all communication with everyone electronically and focused on him. Well fast forward to Christmas He dumped me on Christmas Day. Please note, I am a single mother and he has gotten very close with my daughter. He basically cut communication with me almost completely.
During the week we were broke up I had booked flights to Chicago so my daughter could see her dad. Well after we got back together, I asked him to come with. He declined. He told me go see your friends, have a good time, make the most of it. also saw another male friend and his fiancÃ©. I also told him that I had posted ads on craigslist looking for a male or female to go out with.
He said NOTHING at the time. I met up with one guy for brunch one day, that was it. I call him and he tells me he has plans to hang out with a female friend.
Which he did. We got into an argument the next day because I went out for drinks with these friends of mine. So now, he is seeing other women because I did it in Chicago.
I also asked him to take down his Afro romance profile and admitted to him I have his password. I have been a basket case all weekend and have asked him to come see me and he refuses.
Please help. I love him and my daughter loves him. He was monitoring your email for a year? Nearly every man I dated has behaved similarly. My friends check and watch for each other. I am amazed that men are so dumb to think we are not paying attention to this. However, we need to create a sisterhood of dating codes…. i am in this boat right now. i told him i do not date more than one person at a time because i do not like to and he seemed surprised.
he NEVER told me we were exclusive to be fair to him, he also was with his ex over 10 yrs. i set up a fake online profile as i deleted mine 2. his profile is still up and i fake emailed him and he responded and wanted to meet with the fake girl for lunch or dinner but told the real me he might have to work as he is in law field.
once the fake dumped him he said we would have dinner. if you need more info let me know as well.. also note we are in contact every day most of the day and we do have fun together.
also after that dinner when the faked dumped him so he came over my house that night he made his pics private on the website when he went home?!?! is he just nervous to start a new relationship or to put all his eggs in one basket…OMG help. My advice is to stick with the relationship but have a goal of understanding where he is at in regard to being committed to one another.
I found your site and noticed this thread when doing some research on this very issue. com profile has been a sore spot off and on throughout our relationship. We met on Match. com in January and met in person two months later. Before meeting in person, he asked if it was premature for him to take his profile down.
He said he really liked me and was growing tired of online dating. I assured him that I liked him too but felt it was premature for me to take mine down before meeting in person. I told him he could do what he wanted, but until we actually met I could not do that.
After meeting in person, he asked me to be his lady and asked if we could leave Match. I assumed leaving Match meant that we would actually hide our profiles so that we would not come up in a search and that is what I did. I checked to see if he hid his profile some time later and not only was it still there, he was online when I checked.
I sent him a screen capture showing him online and asked him to explain because I thought we were exclusive. He said that he got an alert that he had a new message and so he was just responding to the email letting the person know that he was seeing someone and wanted to see how things would go with her. And really, it just saves time. When we did have another conversation about it, he said that he had never taken his profile down.
He always left it up whether he was in a relationship or not. He assured me that his subscription was going to expire soon and he would not be renewing and that he was only responding to email letting people know he was seeing someone.
He said he was not looking for someone else. Ok, so he has never taken his profile down and he did not want to do anything different because that is just him. I told him that what his visible profile said to me and everybody who saw it is that he is single, available, and looking for a date. To me, it is no different than sitting at the bar and having a sign that says just that.
I painted him that picture too. I said what if we were sitting at the bar and you are wearing this sign, so women after women walk up to you to express their interest and you keep telling them that you are with me.
I even mentioned that because he had told me that he is a flirt it bothered me even more. A few weeks later, he let me know that I would not be able to find his profile and that I probably already knew that. I was shocked that he finally hid it because nothing he said in the past would indicate that he would ever do that.
A couple weeks later it was visible again. I asked him about it because I was confused because I thought we were doing ok. He said we were but he put it back because he felt like he was just doing it for me and if he started changing little things then it would lead to other things.
I never saw it as a little thing but always said that it was not changing him or who he was. Knowing how Match works, I continued to check his online status and believed his subscription had expired because his status had gotten to the active within 3 weeks mark. Each time I check his profile, I looked to see if he added new pictures or updated in profile in any way. He changed his headline, deleted a few things and reworded a few things.
During our last visit, we talked about where we were and I expressed some concern about lack of communication. He said he wanted us to do better and asked if we could hit the reset button. But, something told me to wait until I talked to him.
After cooling off a bit, I called and confronted him. He said that a few months back, he got an email about renewing and he logged on and deleted some pictures and updated his profile but did not renew.
So, he said he updated months ago. I told him what I had seen. See, I created a fake profile and contacted him. He did not reply but I saw that he read the email, something you cannot do unless you are a paid subscriber. He said he did not know what to say because he had not been on there and reminded me that he did not renew his subscription when it expired a long time ago.
He said that really Match. com had really been a waste of time and money and he had no desire to spend that kind of money again on it. And he asked why he would ask to hit reset with me and then go looking for someone else. He said that if I wanted to know how he felt about me and us then I should just ask him and not go sneaking around. When we discussed it before, I believed his reasoning about being on there. So, why would he lie to me now? He has been honest about being on both sides of cheating in a relationship and told me when we discussed this last week that he has dated two women in the same town at the same time.
Then he said that neither of us needed to go online if we wanted to cheat and he said that he was sure guys hit on me all the time but he had to trust that I walked away.
He said that sneaking around like this will drive you crazy because if you are looking for something to give you doubts about the relationship, you will always find something whether it is what it appears or not.
He said he has been there and has done exactly what I have done so he can speak from experience. I have Googled this online now status thing and have found others have been in this situation as well where the party who shows online says they were not online.
I have also seen where some created fake profiles to check on their status on their real profile and it showed them online when they had not been. I also saw recently that since Hotmail and Match are owned by the same party, if you open Hotmail it will show you online on Match. Not sure if that is true but my boyfriend does have a Hotmail account. Taking all of this into consideration and hearing what my boyfriend said, I really want to believe him, BUT what I did not tell him is that he has a highlighted profile.
It has green around it. This is only available to paid subscribers. I even confirmed this via telephone with Match. I asked if a person had a highlighted profile before, would it stay green once their subscription ended. I was assured that if someone had a highlighted profile, they were a paid subscriber.
Given that, my boyfriend is either lying to me, Match renewed his subscription when he said not to, or someone is posing as him. I have not mentioned the highlighted profile to my boyfriend. Should I bring this up when I see him or just leave it alone? Also, I plan to check his profile while we are together this weekend to see if his status shows online. If it says online while he is with me then it could indicate something fishy going on with Match.
I am in the same boat it seems. I met a great guy on PoF — we were also both on Match…. We have been dating for almost 5 months. I was previously also on OurTime and Zoosk…. well wild hair caught me a month ago and I logged into OurTime — my profile was deactivated with no photos and really barely any information, same with Zoosk… funny a simple search and there his face was — active that day… I looked on Zoosk… suprise… there he was, active that day.
I had asked if he was still on the sites and he said no…. I told him I had deleted my profiles, which I did — deactivate anyhow. We have a great relationship — see each other often and both like our alone time too. He is a Scorpio and they have major trust issues. I hope anyways. I have been seeing a guy for about 4 months but we are in a long distance relationship.
I took myself offline after about a month. To my dismay he was online! He has even suggested we go skiing near wear his daughter is at school and I could meet her.
I am so upset. My profile is hidden too but I doubt he even knows he could see me if he even checked his past contacts.
I guess my question is. Do I mention something before I go out there or not? Personally I think he is just curious and LD is a lot of work but I really feel strongly that he is worth it.
Franck Dorlaud Yes I agree that keeping a dating profile active is cheating, we all agree with this sort of behaviour and there is no other name than a disrespectful, degrading behaviour or anything, however, my disagreement lies with is the mono-lateral mention of gender. When writing to make interesting interesting and pertinent points, we want to take distance from partiality.
simply because partiality falsifies the credibility of the author and in turn the substance of her or his arguments, biased analysis is an unintellectual exercise…. It should be called nothing else than disrespectful, degrading demeaning behaviour. However, my disagreement lies with is the mono-lateral reference to gender. When writing to raise interesting and pertinent points, efficient authors take distance from partiality, simply because partiality falsifies the credibility of the author and in turn the substance of her or his arguments, biased analysis is an unintellectual exercise…..
The author of this interesting topic made a fundamental mistake in using men only when this study if it is any, unequivocally should have included both genders, since the omitted gender is not an exception to the rule. Research that contains errors of this importance should not be taken seriously especially when they are not even peer reviewed….
Just my standpoint. My boyfriend of 5 months now has an online account. I met him on that site. Especially since he has fooled me in the past. This is all making me feel like a crazy person! Your husband is pleading innocence and curiosity. Did he contextualize it with his past cheating habit and recognize how that might make it particularly scary and confusing and upsetting for you? You strike me as a strong woman.
When he cheated before, you picked yourself up and carried on with your life. So, I think you should stand up to Mr. Tinder and really break down why this was not acceptable and why it hurts.
I suggest you write out what you want to say first so you are very clear headed before you confront him. If you feel scared or unsure, consider speaking with him in the presence of a counselor or therapist. Our advice column features a real live mother of three who is ready to discuss any of your burning questions judgment—and baggage—free.
Email AskAMom hellogiggles. Mistrust can be hard to work through on your own. They can give you coping mechanisms and specific things to try in your relationship to make it work. Logging onto a dating site is a huge breach of trust, and many would consider it cheating. Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Set aside time each week for a "relationship check-in. Yes No. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 4.
Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. You Might Also Like How to. The Top Emojis a Girl Will Use if She Likes You.
How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On. How to. Why Does Your Girlfriend Call You Daddy? What She Means and How to Respond. More References 1. Expert Interview. About This Article. Co-authored by:. Co-authors: 5. Updated: January 21, Categories: Relationships.
In other languages Español: saber si tu novio está en sitios web de citas. Português: Saber se Seu Namorado Está nos Sites de Relacionamento. Bahasa Indonesia: Mengetahui apakah Cowokmu Bergabung ke Situs Kencan. 日本語: 彼氏がデーティングアプリを利用しているかを確かめる. Nederlands: Weten of je vriendje op datingsites zit. Français: savoir si votre partenaire est sur les sites de rencontres.
हिन्दी: पता करें, क्या आपका बॉयफ्रेंड डेटिंग साइट्स पर है Know if Your Boyfriend Is on Dating Sites. Deutsch: Herausfinden ob dein Freund auf Dating Seiten ist. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 44, times.
Last Updated: January 21, References. This article was co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and by wikiHow staff writer, Hannah Madden.
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices.
Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts BA in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching MAT from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work MSW from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist CBT , a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional CCTP , a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist CGCS , a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional CCATP , and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional CCFP.
Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers. There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 44, times.
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Learn why people trust wikiHow. Categories Relationships How to Know if Your Boyfriend Is on Dating Sites. Download Article Explore this Article IN THIS ARTICLE. Related Articles. Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and Hannah Madden Last Updated: January 21, References. All rights reserved. wikiHow, Inc. is the copyright holder of this image under U.
and international copyright laws. This image may not be used by other entities without the express written consent of wikiHow, Inc. These apps and websites will do all the searching for you. Only pick sites that are free to use to avoid any scams. On your computer, type "www. See if he has an active account this way.
Go to a few popular dating sites, like Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Match, Hinge, and Plenty of Fish. When it asks you to log in, enter in his email address, then type a random password. Then, set your age range to include your boyfriend, and turn your location range to be as close as it can. The best way to be sure is to look at his downloaded apps. If you have a spare moment with his phone, search through his apps for sites like Bumble, Tinder, Match, or Hinge.
Keep in mind that checking his phone is a breach of privacy, and it could negatively impact your relationship. He may be logging onto dating sites on his computer. If you have access to his desktop or laptop, open up his browser and head to the upper right corner. Just like checking his phone, snooping on his computer could be bad for your trust in each other. It might sound scary, but it will probably give you the most peace. They can help your boyfriend determine why he keeps lying and what might get him to tell the truth.
All healthy relationships are built on a foundation of trust. Then, you can challenge all of your mistrustful thoughts with questions like, "What evidence do I have that this thought is true? Mistrust can be hard to work through on your own. They can give you coping mechanisms and specific things to try in your relationship to make it work. Logging onto a dating site is a huge breach of trust, and many would consider it cheating. Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP. Set aside time each week for a "relationship check-in.
Yes No. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 4. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. You Might Also Like How to. The Top Emojis a Girl Will Use if She Likes You. How to Tell if Your Girlfriend Is Horny: 12 Signs She's Turned On. How to. Why Does Your Girlfriend Call You Daddy? What She Means and How to Respond. More References 1. Expert Interview. About This Article. Co-authored by:. Co-authors: 5. Updated: January 21, Categories: Relationships. In other languages Español: saber si tu novio está en sitios web de citas.
Português: Saber se Seu Namorado Está nos Sites de Relacionamento. Bahasa Indonesia: Mengetahui apakah Cowokmu Bergabung ke Situs Kencan.
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· So before your analyzing mind goes into overdrive, make sure that he is actually active and doesn’t just have some dormant profile up there. When you find your boyfriend is · On the other hand, you might decide to go your separate ways and move on. The key is to trust your intuition and do what feels right for you. “If you find out your partner has a Smitten. Reader's Dilemma: Help! My Boyfriend Has Online Dating Profile! Yikes! One of our sweet readers just sent us this perplexing email. Her boyfriend is signed up for an online I tried to delete my whole profile but I never did because 1) I stopped logging in so I forgot about it, 2) I was just curious, and 3) actually couldn't find the delete button. Sometimes, we all have · The reason he's on a dating site is because he's not satisfied in the relationship which may have to do with you or more likely it's in his DNA. Whether he's acting on it remains · Strangely enough, this situation seems to happen more often than I would expect: after finding a serious relationship some men still keep their online dating profile active. The ... read more
Related Articles. Food-Doc WOW, what did I ever do to you? He showed up in my new city and planned an incredible, fairytale proposal. trying not to let myself get serious, just casual, but then i saw an email he sent to an old girlfriend wanting to know when they could get together! Learn to find peace in being alone and heal. tjmac February 18, I have been seeing a guy for about 4 months but we are in a long distance relationship.ximena July 2, I do not have a very big social life,to me dating sites are alternatives to meet some one. It feels like hes rejecting me! All Conversations 9 minutes ago. I removed my profile; he HID his!!! Be prepared for any response. com is part of the Meredith Health Group.